What’s Wrong With You?’ – How to Respond and Why It Matters. When I’m asked what’s wrong with me, should I be offended? Well, that depends on how I’m asked. If asked rudely, I would probably give a snap response. However, I have been fortunate and have not encountered this too often.
As a full-time wheelchair user with Arthrogryposis as my disability, I’m often asked by strangers, “What is wrong with you?”. If asked in the right way (politely and genuinely interested), then I have no issue explaining my disability to that person. Some disabled people find this extremely offensive. Yet these same disabled people bang on about how non-disabled people are so ignorant……What are they supposed to do then?
So What’s Wrong With You?
If someone asks me what’s wrong with me. I’m happy to explain if I feel they are genuine about knowing the answer. While on holiday a few years ago, I experienced good and bad attitudes from non-disabled people.
I had been celebrating a themed night on a cruise ship. (Read my review). We (my family and I) were finishing our drinks after dancing the night away to all the popular 80s music. A lady at the next table asked, “Do you mind me asking what is wrong with you?”. My reply, “no, of course not”. I genuinely didn’t mind.
I explained how I was born with my disability, Arthrogryposis. How this affects my daily life and how my husband is my carer etc. etc. She seemed genuinely interested and even asked more questions when she didn’t understand something.
She was amazed when I spoke of the barriers disabled people face on a daily basis by society/buildings etc. I explained this was why I loved cruising, as it was one of the more accessible holidays available to me. She couldn’t understand why access wasn’t better.
Unknowingly, I spoke for quite a while. I hadn’t realised how passionate I had become in explaining why I do the things I do and how my disability affects my outlook on life. So I wrapped things up and said goodnight.
The Flip Side
The other side of the coin. Again, we had a great but tiring day at port on our cruise. I was making my way back to my cabin, and while in the lift alone, this lady got in from another floor. She immediately started complaining. Oh how she had walked and walked and walked the whole day. How her feet were so sore, she needed to sleep for a week, etc.
She went on and on about how she couldn’t wait to take her shoes off and rest her poor feet. Maybe it was because I was tired, but all I wanted to shout at her was, “At least you bloody well have legs that you can use to walk and walk and walk!”
Should I Get Offended?
In the example above, yes, I was extremely offended that this woman had no understanding of how her comments to a wheelchair user may affect them with her moaning about walking all day and how sore her feet were. YOU CHOSE TO WALK ALL BLOODY DAY!! No-one made you!! For someone who used to be able to walk and lost that ability, this hit home like a lead bar in my face. Had I not been tired, would I have said something? Maybe. I later regretted not educating her, but I feel she would not have taken the advice in the way it was meant.
Should I be offended can’t really be answered with a simple yes or no. It boils down to the individual’s perception of what they deem offensive. In the same way as asking, “Did you find that joke funny?”. Each person has their idea of what is funny. Personally, I’m not offended if someone genuinely wants to know. But that’s the key for me if the person asking is being genuine and not just being nosey!
Offend: To irritate, annoy, or anger; – Cause resentful displeasure in: – To affect (the sense, taste, etc.) disagreeably. – To hurt or cause pain to.
Ableds Are Uneducated
I Understand when disabled people say how rude and personal this question is. However, you can decide how personal your answer will be…..Can you not? I can’t help but feel that some disabled people want their cake and eat it. Some go on and on about how ableds are so uneducated and ignorant towards disability, yet when ableds take the time to ask you about it, you go all defensive and moan about how offended you are and say how rude of them. What do you want them to do?
I’m not talking about the morons of the world, but if someone is genuinely interested, is it not up to us to help them understand? How else will they know how a disability impacts a person’s life unless those impacted tell the stories?
I love it when someone takes time out of their day, holiday, shopping trip, or whatever to ask me about my disability. I like to think I am contributing to helping people better understand disability (well, mine, anyway) so they may pass this on or help prevent discrimination in the future.
Of course, I think it’s pretty easy to know if someone is being false or malicious in their questioning, and yes, I agree that they should not be entertained!
Disability Assumptions
One of the things I do get offended by is the fact my husband wears an artificial left leg, and normally, the first thing strangers assume is that he has been in the forces and lost his leg. They seem to forget that he may have been born with a disability. Obviously, a person could not have an artificial limb by any other means, is there!!
The other assumption made is that I have polio. When I used to walk with my calipers, 90% of people (especially minicab drivers) always assumed I had polio. (I’m not sure if this had anything to do with a common charity box outside a lot of shops back then where a young boy was wearing one calliper on his leg). I would then have to correct them and explain what Arthrogryposis was 🙂
To me, assumptions are more offensive than just asking me, “What’s wrong with you.” I am always happy to talk to anyone who wishes to be educated.
Conclusion
If you want to know about my disability, I will always do my best to explain it to you, provided you are genuinely interested. I understand how difficult and uncomfortable it might be for some to talk to disabled people. People are only human at the end of the day and are scared of “different”.
I saw a video some time ago in which a wheelchair user (male) sat in a very popular area (I can’t remember where now) with a cardboard sign saying people could ask him anything about his disability. I’ve often thought of doing this myself, and I am intrigued as to what people would ask me.
In my opinion, disabled people who complain and give out about how rude ableds are for wanting to know about their disability don’t have the right to complain and moan about the same ableds of being ignorant or uneducated!
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